Kelly Osbourne left her house in London yesterday looking like she stepped out of line with a lesbian lover. Kelly wouldn’t say how she got the shiner though.

I have my own theory. It was Brutus. Check out the anchor on her arm. She’s obviously Popeye. Brutus was probably hitting on her lesbian squeeze Olive Oil and Kelly wasn’t having any of it. But I think Brutus got to her before she could open a can of spinach, or in this case vagina. She won’t be caught off guard again and will be constantly eating spinach/vagina.

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