Archive for September, 2008

And the above pic is all you need to know about it.

In June Heather Locklear checked herself into rehab, and three months later she has been arrested for Driving Under the Influence. Locklear was arrested on Saturday night and spent the night in lock-up until she was released Sunday morning. Love the mugshot. It’s that crack whore chic look that seems to say she’ll blow ya for a dime bag or a food stamp of the right denomination.

Paris Hilton is looking for a new BFF and she’s taking to the airwaves to do it. Her latest song, “My BFF,” premiered on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday. It’s one half sperm whale getting it’s anus ripped apart by a bulldozer and one half sound byte from a slaughterhouse. My ears are fucking killing me now.

It will be the theme to her new MTV show, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, which starts tonight.

Hear it here.

Here’s one for all of you who give a shit about how Kelly Osbourne learned about the birds and bees.

She was given sex education lessons while on tour with her father, because organizers handed out free condoms to everyone backstage. You know, because it was a real fuckfest. Fuckfest 85 I think it was called. Ozzy was fucking Sharon because no one else would, roadies were fucking each other. The bat that got it’s head bit off was being skull fucked by some dude or other. Good times.

See, the 23-year-old spent a lot of time on the road as a child, touring with her dad’s band, Black Sabbath. The lifestyle forced her mother, Sharon Osbourne, to tell her the facts of life at a young age.

She tells British magazine New!, “I was on tour with my dad and at every single one of his shows, they hand out free condoms. I was about seven or eight and I picked up a packet and was like, ‘Mum, what’s this?’
“She had to explain to me what they were. It was something my parents have never been shy about. They always told us what they think and that we should protect ourselves.”

Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian are set to collide in a large talentless black hole that could eat the world. According to a report, she’ll “sing” two of her “songs” – “Come on Over” and “Angels” while accompanied by the professional dancers onstage.

This is more dangerous then that particle accelerator that was going to end the world.

Look at the pic above. The angel of VD has come to wave her magic wand and unleash crabs all over your pubes. It’s an ad campaign for her latest perfume, which I’m guessing smells like hooker with a touch of vomit and desperation….But I’d still do her.

Yes, like a slug in it’s death throws under a mound of salt, she’s still alive. Amy Winehouse faces arrest after allegedly hitting a woman dancer in the face. The dancer had asked to take the her picture.

Amy ran off, crying out: “Life can’t go on. I can’t do this any more.”

Police were called to the $700-a-ticket bash in central London, where Amy Winehouse performed, and took a statement from Sherene Flash, the dancer who got laid out.

While boyfriend Hank Baskett and the Philadelphia Eagles were busy losing to the Chicago Bears last night, the wide receiver’s girlfriend was doing her usual and being a real class act.

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.
Sarah Silverman endorses Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama by encouraging her fellow Jews to visit their Florida grandparents and talk them into voting for Obama. Sarah isn’t looking as hot as usual, but still very bangable.

NSFW because of language.

Chris Kattan’s ex-wife Sunshine Tutt is walking away with a buttload of cash after just two months of marriage, according to TMZ:

Sources tell TMZ there was prenup that would’ve given Tutt less that 10 grand — but a renegotiation just upped the ante to a low six-figure sum.
Tutt’s lawyer, Ronald Richards, told us: “My client is very relieved that she can leave this two month marriage with some resources that will allow her to rebuild her life.”

Rebuild her life? It was two fucking months married to a ok comedian. Now if it were Pauly Shore I’d say give her six figures.