That’s right. So you can stop your cheering, cancel the parties and cease thanking God that Katie Holmes will be safe. Tom is alive. I repeat. Alive. Still, most likely gayer than a Barbie Dream Doll picnic, but alive.

No Scientologists. He has not risen again. He just never died.

TOM CRUISE’s publicist has slammed internet reports the Hollywood actor has fallen to his death in New Zealand, insisting the star isn’t even in the country.

That is all.

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