Archive for the 'Actresses' Category

Lindsay Lohan and Sarah Jessica Parker are proud new members in the Pipedream Products line of inflatable toys. I’m pretty sure neither one endorses this product.

My favorite part is the packaging. “Sarah Jessica PorkHER Loves Sex In Her Shitty”. That my friends is class.

Among other things, the Lindsay Fully Loaded Love Doll reads, “Put your dick in drive and take Lindsay for a spin….”

They’ve actually got a bunch of stars, but these have the funniest packaging.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “What kind of guy fucks a plastic doll?” Oh yeah, Pam Anderson’s current boyfriend.

[Pipedream Products]

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…

Dawn Wells, who played Mary Ann on “Gilligan’s Island,” is now serving six months of unsupervised probation after allegedly being caught with marijuana in her car. She was sentenced Feb. 29 to serve five days in jail, also fined $410.50 and placed on probation after pleading guilty to a count of reckless driving.

Her lawyer said that a friend of hers testified that he’d left some marijuana in the vehicle after using it that day, and Wells was unaware of it.

Several witnesses apparently were prepared to testify that Wells had very little to drink at the party and was not intoxicated when she left. According to the lawyer, she was swerving on the road because she was trying to find the heater controls in her new car.

Whatever the real story, this is a sad developement. At 69 years old, they should cut her some slack.

I mean, we owe her. You wouldn’t know it to look at her now, but how many young guys have rubbed one out to Mary Ann or Ginger, while the Skipper and his little buddy explored they gayness on screen?

Just sad.

[AOL]

You know, I like so many others used to despise PETA for their tactics, but these latest celeb ad campaigns constantly win me over. Don’t get me wrong, any human who doesn’t love animals is a waste of space, though I do also love a good hamburger. Thing is, they have gotten smart somewhere along the way and started using sex to sell their agenda, instead of tactics that fo too far. And we now love seeing what they will do next.

[Popcrunch]

Yes, the crazy asian actress known for acting…Screwed up… was charged with petty theft, despite the fact the she neither kidnapped Tom Petty or stole FROM him.

Bai Ling says she made an “innocent mistake” when she allegedly took a pack of batteries and two tabloid magazines at Los Angeles International Airport without paying.

A message was posted on her blog hours after she was charged on Monday, where the actress said she’s “relieved” that prosecutors decided not to pursue a more serious misdemeanor count.

Accident or not, when you act like an insane freak all the time, people are going to think you meant to do the crime.

Nice mugshot btw. Add another to the long list of Hollywood starlet mugshots that make you feel like an Astronaut who just ate egg salad.

[LATimes]

That must be the case because when I fantasize about her, that’s usually where I can be found.

Interview with Allure magazine:

“I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!”

Kate sinks to lower depths when asked about her best feature. She gushes: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?”

After a giggling fit, Kate then enlighten the interviewer, by silently mouthing the magical words: “My twat.”

What a class act. Now that she’s open about her vaginal good looks, maybe she’ll send it to casting calls. It could get starring roles easy if it’s really that good.

I’m thinking that Kate’s vagina can replace Owen Wilson entirely. I don’t think people would know the difference.

Btw, I could totally walk her cooch down the red carpet, but it would just look like I was supporting a Kate Beckinsale puppet on my arm

[DIC]

Everyone’s favorite insane actor, Gary Busey couldn’t help himself when it came to Jennifer Garner at the Oscars last night. When she ran into Gary Busey on the red carpet, Busey actually put his lips on her body. Ewww! That’s gotta ruin her for Ben Affleck.

Garner and best actress nominee Laura Linney were in the midst of an interview with E! host Ryan Seacrest when the notoriously out-there Busey charged up the red carpet yelling that he’d been wanting to meet Seacrest for years. After shaking hands with Seacrest, Busey congratulated Linney on her nomination with a kiss on the cheek, and then proceeded to embrace Garner and plant a kiss on her neck.

When Seacrest tried to continue with the interview, a flustered Garner responded, “Ask me about getting kissed on the neck on the red carpet by this man … That was nice!”

Busey continued to hover, and Linney quickly extricated her friend from the situation, telling Seacrest that she and Garner had “secrets to tell.” Whatever the hell that means.

Certainly a bizarre moment. You gotta love that freak. If I were an insane has-been like Busey I would have at least copped a feel or something.

[AOL]

That’s right, techno-dork and bald uber-annoyance Moby actually dated Natalie Portman. Frankly, I’m stunned. What kind of backwards world am I living in?

“I guess in some people’s eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy – and, as a nerd, I’m certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that. But as far as the very brief affair that I had with Natalie, it’s made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath,” the techno-whiz tells next month’s Spin. “You don’t date Luke Skywalker’s mom and not have them hate your guts.”

You bald fucker! How dare you? I’m so mad that I am sorely tempted to act out my rage via Star Wars figures and put the video on youtube. Lucky for you Mr. Moby, they are all Mint in the package. Including Padme…And she is alone in her sealed plastic bubble…Not with you….NOT WITH YOU!!!…NEVER WITH YOU!!!

I need a break. I’m going to take a few weeks off and alphabetize my entire collection, so I can make trades at the next Comic con…Try to forget about Moby and work out my nerd rage….Fucker!

[Page Six]

Actress Elizabeth Hurley and her husband are taking some heat from the British press after reports were published that claim the multimillionaire couple pays their Indian maid just $2.33 an hour.

Both the Daily Mail and Mirror tabloids in Britain ran reports that the Austin Powers actress paid her maid, Violet D’Souza, just $200 for a 70-plus-hour workweek.

Wait. It gets better. They also claim D’Souza was paid in…Are you ready? Indian rupees. Not even British pounds. Not only is she cheap, but insulting too.

Reportedly, a five-figure settlement was being reached. This is way worse then that time I paid the electric bill in pennies and pocket lint.

This story reminded me that I need to make an announcement. I’m looking for a writer to help me out here at the Therapy. I’m willing to pay in a variety of odd currency, including various beat-up Nintendo Game manuals, candy, coupon books for such things as free hugs that I printed out myself, assorted recyclables and AOL CD’s.

[AOL]

I must be a well-loved carpenter out of work, because I keep getting wood from unexpected sources. Case in point, these Lindsay Lohan Nude photos where she tries to look like Marilyn. I’m not all that into Lindsay, but I admit there’s something sexy about some of these shots. Not the one above though, that weird thing she’s doing with her mouth ruins it.

The story goes like this: In 1962, photographer Bert Stern shot some Marilyn Monroe pictures at the Hotel Bel-Air that have become known as “The Last Sitting.”

Now 46 years later and New York Magazine has attempted to duplicate this montage with Lohan. Why? Who the hell knows. I guess we gotta get somebodt nude and in a Marilyn wig. They both like/liked sex a whole lot, I hear they are both easy, and of course both really like a good drug.

Is that a tattoo on Lindsay’s ass, or the photograher’s handprint? Could be a permanent slap imprint from several guys taking the reigns and urging her onward.

Click through for more pics.
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Dirty Mouth…Try Orbitz! *Sparkly clean reveal*

Former hotty and Ted Turner lap toy Jane Fonda, dropped the Cunt word on the Today show, the other day, not “today”. She was talking about a script she once received with a very graphic title and now people are up in arms about it.

Boo-hoo I heard a dirty word. My life is over. How will I ever pay my mortgage, overcome my impotence and otherwise fart up the clean air of other more productive citizens?

I say if you are bothered by a so-called naughty word, you are far too fragile for this eco-system and should step in front of the nearest bus immediately. You see, an enlightened person knows that words can not harm you. They can only by guided by context and intent.

And Jane, to you I say, don’t worry about it. You can come to the Therapy any time you want and sling the cunt word until your blue in the…cunt for all we care.

[AOL]