Archive for the 'Angelina Jolie' Category

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are all set to walk down the aisle and adopt another baby soon. You know, rather then wrecking her vagina again and pushing one out. It’s on a magazine cover. It must be true. Ok reports:

“Angelina has always toyed with the idea of getting married to Brad. She’s always followed her gut instincts in life, love and family. As the kids get older and they add to their brood, they want to make as few complications as possible.”

Just like she supports having a bunch of kids to wreck her vagina. She tells Vanity Fair that it’s the nominee’s positions on global issues, and not his skin color or background, that most appeals to her.

“Obama fights for international justice, he wants to militarily intervene in cases of genocide, and close Guantanamo Bay.” Jolie said in a recent interview. “These are the things that could move me to vote for him, not his roots.”

Comedian and year round plastic faced dummy Joan Rivers talked some crap about ANGELINA JOLIE, calling the actress “stupid”. And Rivers didn’t let it end there and didn’t hold back. She told reporters:

“Well, I’ve worked with stupid actresses – I’ve worked with Angelina Jolie – she saw a sign that said ‘WET FLOOR’ one time, and she did!” I mean she’s attractive, but not a bright girl. Stunningly beautiful but stupid…she would have asked Stevie Wonder, ‘What’s your favourite colour?’”

Great stuff. Joan Rivers is a funny gal and she’ll go on being funny unless she gets too close to a recycling plant, in which case her face will end up back in plastic bottles.

Angelina Jolie’s former make-up artist has been found dead in his Los Angeles home. Paul Starr also worked with Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba and Renee Zellweger. He was found dead after neighbors alerted the authorities. The cause of death is unknown, but I have a good idea what happened. Just look at his client list. He got sick of seeing Hollywood’s elite poontang wreck their vaginas by pushing out kids and couldn’t take it anymore.

The former sitcom star went on a rant via her website this weekend, taking Angelina Jolie to task for saying she was unsure who to cast her vote for in the upcoming presidential election.

“Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more,” Roseanne wrote.

Regarding the election:

Miss Jolie says she likes [John] McCain too and hasn’t decided who to endorse….huh? Aren’t you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party’s worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan?”

Damned if the old fatty doesn’t make some valid points. Now it’s back to cheesecake and hot flashes.

Somehow I don’t think that Angelina endorses this crappy Chinese product. The BOYU-1108. The package should read “Asian men probably want to bang tis woman, so it would be a good idea for saggy boobed Asian women to buy this in hopes that they will look the same. But they won’t”

She doesn’t endorse this. She’s too busy massaging Brad’s balls.

Sometimes you just want to kick a celeb in their ass. Yeah, Brad has plenty of dough, but don’t be an ass about it. With all this Charity work that he and Angelina do, you’d think he would know better. As far as I’m cocerned, it’s stupid for ANYBODY to spend that much on a table. But when you are a star, you have power and responsibility. That 300K could have been spent on any number of things that will make the world better. It could have been spent to keep your wife hot looking forever so I can get my rocks off well into 2050.

WTF Brad? He bought it at a “design art” furniture sale in Switzerland. It’s a hollow marble table built by Jeroen Verhoeven, and it cost Pitt $293,000. The four-foot ‘Cinderella table’ was one of six in the collection, and was hewn from a solid block of Carrara marble.(Makes fart noise and jerk off motion with hand.)

I’m very disappointed Brad. But I still want to bang your wife if we are still on for next Tuesday.

[AOL]

According to sources, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twin baby photos have sparked a bidding war between People and OK! magazines.

A rep for People says, “We’d love to see the photos in People. We wish the family well.”

OK! says of course they want the pics and it’d be foolish not to try, but they’re not giving a dollar amount.

I’d like to make an offer to see the twins as well. I’ll pay $10. Out of the bra, no pasties. $20 if I can touch.

[Celebpulp]

Ever wonder what celebs would look like without plastic surgery? The Xiomara Coronado Beauty Center wants you to know that without it, you are gonna look fugly. To illustrate their point, they created some images of famous celebrities and what they would look like without operations.

Shakira, Paris Hilton & Angelina Jolie. Oddly, they look like they belong in a zombie trailer park, smoking 3 packs of camels a day. Check out another below.
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Brad Pitt it seems, is more then just a pretty boy. Apparently, he is a true gentleman.

Case in point: The European premiere of Agelina’s new film Beowulf on Sunday. Angelina’s leather pants split in the back, threatening to expose some Angelina Jolie Heiney. Brad rushed to her rescue, covering the exposed area with his hand.

It seems that it wasn’t her night. She also stepped in a piece of chewing gum which stuck itself to the heel of her $1,200 Christian Louboutin stilettos.

I’m sure she got over it. Kudoos to Brad. Chivalry is not dead in Hollywood after all. He apparently knows just how lucky he is to have a beautiful woman and a great career.

Here’s to you pretty boy. (He’ll probably do something really horrible now that I’ve praised him. He’s in the biz after all.)

[Rumorficial]