Archive for the 'Katie Holmes' Category

I’m surprised she isn’t wearing a sweater to the beach. Christ she looks like she’s from the 1950’s. Throw a B-movie monster at her and she’ll look right at home. Oh the monster is Tom.

Here she is again with the hair and clothing of my grandmother. Katie will make her Broadway debut on Sept. 18 in the play ” All My Sons”. Apparently Tom gave her permission to be out in the world.

Star Magazine is reporting that Katie Holmes has been a bad girl. She spent 3 days at Gold Base, the Scientology compound in Hemet, CA. According to an inside source, she went through some serious tests and purification sessions at Tom Cruise’s insistence.

The source said that the boot camp includes, “various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes. Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.” Apparently, one of the auditing sessions reportedly lasts 36 hours with little sleep and food.

Seems that things haven’t changed all that much since L. Ron Hubbard decided to create himself a fake religion all those years ago. I’ll never understand why so many people have fallen for it, but the old jackass was right. There’s a ton of money to be made having your own religion. One can only hope that the more brutal aspects that we’ve heard about are no longer in practice, but somehow I think they are alive and well.

[Damnimcute]

Tom Cruise thinks Victoria Beckham may have too much influence on his zombie wife, Katie Holmes. And yes that pic IS in fact Katie Holmes and IS NOT an old friend of your mother’s from the retirement home.

According to a source:

“Katie sees Victoria as a role model.”

“She copies Victoria’s look and even cut her hair the same way. She is very thin largely because she is following Victoria’s strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria’s fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny.”

First off, who the hell would use that reject for a role model? Secondly, seaweed shakes are for mermaids. This girl needs serious kelp.(get it? Kelp…)

At a recent lunch at L.A.’s Osteria Mozza, Holmes ate “only steamed asparagus as an appetizer, then a tiny plate of chilled beets for her entrée,” a diner told Life and Style magazine.

Then there was another encounter, where Katie and Posh shared a green salad without dressing, one piece of fish and one side of steamed spinach. They also ordered one regular Coke and two glasses of ice.

These two dingbats can at least help keep each other tethered to the planet, while the air in their heads builds up like helium.

[Damnimcute]

Does not compute! Does not compute! Logic circuits overloaded! Warning! Warning!

Looks like Scientology has a ways to go before their programming of an individual is perfected. Katie reportedly stormed out of a Scientology meeting, pissed off and stressed over her handler Tom’s recent video shenanigans. Also, “Mad Money,” Katie’s first movie since Tom jumped into her life – isn’t doing so well at the box office. She’s probably pissed that Tom made her do that little celluloid turd, when she could have been in “The Dark Knight”.

I’m sure her programming/psychotropic drugs will kick in soon and she will be back to acting like a Zombie with a new hair do.

Poor Katie, we hardly knew ye.

[Celebitchy]

Katie Holmes attended the 2007 Bambi Awards in support of her handler husband Tom Cruise, sporting a Japanese Harajuku Girl haircut that seems to say, “I love you long time Mistah Tom Cruise”.

One can only surmise that the final phase of brainwashing is in progress. Her new style just screams conformity and a carefree lack of individual thought.

In a candid interview with her new do, some secrets were revealed:

“Yeah, Mistah think me too wild. He teach me. Me love him long time and go by the name Zhang Chow in private. Him jump on couch and say he in love! Get over yourself Mistah. He not so bad weally. Mistah only put me in the thought machine one time for trying to escape during marathon.”

Well, there you have it. Straight from the victim’s scalp. Poor Katie. In five years God only knows what she’ll look like. Maybe the end game is to look exactly like Tom.

No matter how you slice it, I’m creeped out.

[CelebrityRumors]

Scientology victim through marriage and Cruise arm ornament, Katie Holmes has been training for the NYC Marathon. I have to believe that this is Katie’s last chance plan to escape her Scientology programming. While hubby Tom was out filming some movie that will take a back seat to his glistening pearly whites, Katie has been preparing for the big race.

Katie’s rep wouldn’t confirm or deny, but an article in OK! magazine alleges the couple’s security team is investigating what safety measures would need to be taken if Katie decides to run.

She has got to be planning escape from her Stepford Wife existence! I mean, in every photo I have seen lately, she looks pale, frail and unhealthy. This has to be a ploy to escape her role as the newest baby maker in L. Ron Hubbard land.

Katie. PopTherapy can help. If you manage to pull off this plan of yours, we can make you disappear. We’ve done it before. Many stars have come to us in need. We will give you a new identity if you leave your Hollywood life behind. Somewhere in Iowa or Kansas maybe. You can start over and have a new life. Seriously, we have funds set aside.

We like to call it our Wit-less relocation program. Email me!