Archive for the 'Paris Hilton' Category

Let’s begin by asking Sally Struthers. “Do you want to have hair like Paris Hilton?”

“Sure. We all do.”

There ya go. Now you can. Paris may be shaved below(That’s how I like to imagine it) but up top she has a full head of hair. That’s why the heiress launched Clipin-Go, a line of fake hair extensions, making it even easier for her fans to copy her look.

Clipin-Go comes in 10 different colors, and each set costs a whopping $80. The ads for this snake oil are currently being shot at Smashbox Studios in LA starring none other than Paris herself.

[Parishiltononline]

Apparently Paris is working on a perpetual motion device that will rid the world of the need for oil. In her spare time, she’s been breeding bacterial cultures capable of curing everything from crabs to cancer. Oh, and she’s also found a way to get herself all kinds of fucked up by feeding herself alcohol via a hamster-cage watering device…

Of course Hayden may be biased. The 18-year-old Heroes star has been a close friend of Paris Hilton’s for several years.

“She’s a nice girl and a lot brighter than people give her credit (for) but no one sees her like that because she plays this character all the time.”

Oh right, the character… that character that gets wasted at nightclubs and offers to do everyone there. The one with the catchphrases and the look in her eyes that says, I’m just coasting through my day hoping I come off smart until it’s time to skank it up tonight.

The mythbusters just called me. They’re having all kinds of trouble disproving the myth that men have to tie a two by four beam to their ass so they don’t fall in.

Genius in a Forest Gump kind of way…maybe. But she’s no Einstein.

[Thehollywoodgossip]

Yeah, so what else is new. Sources say that Paris window shopped her way through South Africa, asking how much things cost everywhere she went. Even the wildlife. Entertainment Wise reports:

“Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman’s dress, she would ask how much it was.

That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, ‘If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?’”

More likely it would kill you, you brain dead camera ho! It would eat you and promptly vomit due to your special alcohol-rich skank blood known as type ho negative.

So Paris is in South Africa hanging out with her boyfriend Benji Madden and his band Good Charlotte on their tour. But surprisingly she is also hanging out with orphans!

The ditzy celebutard actual contributed to society at large by stopping by the Jacaranda Children’s home for orphans and letting them see what a hot American skank looks like. They seem to like her. The children’s expressions seem to sum up my own thoughts. “Who the hell is this twit, and why do I want to do her?” One of them even brought her a bouquet of flowers!

While South African orphan boys want to do her and the South African girls want to be her, environmentalist groups are slamming Paris for her 12-day 20,000 mile flight schedule.

Our Paris is growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday when she was sleeping around and acting like a tart. Now she is hobnobbing with the world’s orphans. I like this side of her, but I do hope she isn’t finished being a filthy naughty girl.

[Celebrity-Gossip]

The air headed heiress will be appearing as herself in a dream sequence on the show’s 1-hour episode. Oh yeah. I’ve had that happen myself. And I don’t pay her scale or anthing. On a side note, she likes the rough stuff in between cleaning my house.

The deal is that Earl has been knocked unconscious and things from his life and imagination bleed into his fevered mind. This will be the April 3 show that is the first new one following the writers strike settlement.

[MSNBC]

Remember Paris Hilton hanging out with the monk who is really some hippy actor?

Turns out this was all set up by Ashton Kutcher. The entire scene was staged for a new Punk’d type show.

Pop Fiction is an eight-episode series prank show targeting paparazzi and gullible media outlets. It’s made with the eager help of stars, who were the laughing stocks of Kutcher’s former MTV show. Now the tables are turned.

Didn’t I tell you she was full of crap. Now we know why.

[AOL]

For several days I have tried to ignore the fact that Paris is hanging out with a fake monk, while she pretends to be enlightened.

Apparently this hippy has been in a ton of films and TV shows like “My Name is Earl” and “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

Yeah sure Paris, we all buy the fact that you are finding religion with a damn dirty hippy at your side. She is clearly having trouble finding her identity, now that she’s a failed heiress and a failed movie star all in one. Her best bet is to find Scientology and give up all thought completely.

[Celebrityrumors]

Paris Hilton’s new film, ”The Hottie and the Nottie” could not have done worse at the box office over the weekend. It grossed…are you ready for this? A stunning $23,000 dollars this weekend.

Broken down, that is $76 in ticket sales PER LOCATION. Proof that only a handful of horny young guys care to see her in undies on the big screen.

How in the hell does one skank herself into obscurity? Looks like we are finding out.

[DamnImCute]

It’s a hard job reporting on Paris stories, cuz on one hand she is an annoying biatch, but on the other hand, I’d still do her.

Despite my predicament, I wholeheartedly agree. Whenever she is on stage she needs to be told to get the fuck off. Then perhaps a gentle swat on the nose with newspaper. The same when she starts rubbing her ass across the carpet because she has worms.

Anyhow, it all went down during 50’s performance at Paris Hilton’s pre-Super Bowl party for 944 magazine. The rapper gave a shout out to Paris, who started singing in the front row. She then went on stage and started dancing. 50 Cent told her: “Excuse me, you. Could you get the fu** off the stage?”

Hilton reportedly started balling and tried to beg the party’s staff to let her dance, whining “But it’s my party!”

Funny thing is, since she was cut off from her inheritance, it only added up to about $1.50 with both of their sorry asses on stage.

[Damnimcute]

What can I say about our Paris? She is a real class act. Here’s some footage of Paris in the club at LAX in Las Vegas the other night, acting very unlady like and apparently drunk, but what else is new?

She drops the f-bomb so many times and talks about balls and nuts and wanting to “service” the guys in a variety of ways. Then she offers to have sex with everyone in the room. I guess she was hard up.

I can only imagine that when morning rolled around, even the free clinics were making money. Getting antibiotics in that area will be like trying to find a Wii in Siberia.