Archive for the 'Tom Cruise' Category

These are the pictures of little Tommy roasting Matt Lauer in NYC the other night. You know damn well Tom got wood. Looks like they are gonna start twirling each other. I’ve never seen two grown men thrust their areas into each other so gleefully.

That’s right. So you can stop your cheering, cancel the parties and cease thanking God that Katie Holmes will be safe. Tom is alive. I repeat. Alive. Still, most likely gayer than a Barbie Dream Doll picnic, but alive.

No Scientologists. He has not risen again. He just never died.

TOM CRUISE’s publicist has slammed internet reports the Hollywood actor has fallen to his death in New Zealand, insisting the star isn’t even in the country.

That is all.

Protesters outside the “All My Sons” production expressed their displeasure with the cult of Scientology and Tom Cruise, who was personally on hand to babysit his Stepford wife.

Some friends of the Cruises are saying that his cars are equipped with bulletproof windows and are also bomb proof! Get a grip buddy! Word is his cars look totally normal, but are in fact armored fortresses. The God of Scientology needs to be protected after all and these are like his Pope-mobiles. This paranoid fruitcake allegedly doesn’t even let Katie drive likes and he likes to drive her himself. For Xenu’s sake dude, let the woman have some alone time! Women need alone time. At least that’s what they always tell me just before I never see them again.

For Christ’s sake Tommy boy, you mean to tell me you got your own version of Wile E. Coyote out there setting traps and trying to assassinate you in your car? So you bought yourself some ACME vehicle armor kits, huh? I bet it’s Dr. Drew. You two really need to cool your feud and make love already.

[Hollyscoop]

Here’s the latest in the homosexual catfight between Dr. Drew and Tom Cruise. They’re at the stage where they’re sort of pulling each others pigtails because they like each other…A whole lot. In one corner we have Dr. Drew, whose career is built on the misery of others. In the other corner, we have Tom Cruise whose career is built around making those who watch him miserable.

Like a pint sized dictator, Cruise displayed the power of his Scientology cult…through his lawyer, who compared the psycho psychiatrist Dr. Drew Pinksy to notorious Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels after Pinksy criticized Cruise for his involvement in the cult. Tom Cruise himself has been compared to Goebbels by a prominent German WWII historian.

In next month’s Playboy, Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” says: “A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood – maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.” Cruise’s lawyer, Bert Fields, told us: “This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

I agree with both of them. You are both douche. Just hump each other already.

[NYpost]

Tom Cruise is trying to resell himself as the mega movie star of yesteryear, who is clearly not gay. Today, he launched his new website Tom Cruise.com. Surprisingly, it’s not powered by geocities, although I had heard that he was hoping for that. If you click around, you’ll find a lot of meaningless and shameless self promotion. It’s all very suspicious as there’s no mention of Scientology or Katie.

It’s all clearly not gay, the cheesy poses, the music, the message from Tom. Yep, it’s all very straight and boring. But it still doesn’t convince me somehow…That he’s not gay.

[Tomcruise.com]

Star Magazine is reporting that Katie Holmes has been a bad girl. She spent 3 days at Gold Base, the Scientology compound in Hemet, CA. According to an inside source, she went through some serious tests and purification sessions at Tom Cruise’s insistence.

The source said that the boot camp includes, “various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes. Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.” Apparently, one of the auditing sessions reportedly lasts 36 hours with little sleep and food.

Seems that things haven’t changed all that much since L. Ron Hubbard decided to create himself a fake religion all those years ago. I’ll never understand why so many people have fallen for it, but the old jackass was right. There’s a ton of money to be made having your own religion. One can only hope that the more brutal aspects that we’ve heard about are no longer in practice, but somehow I think they are alive and well.

[Damnimcute]

In an interview with Oprah, Cher revealed her relationship with Tom Cruise.

Jesus, thinking about these two humping is like walking in on two retards fucking. You’re not sure who you feel more sorry for, but it’s sloppy and wrong and your lunch is on the floor.

“He was a shy boy. He didn’t have any money. One night we walked into this restaurant in New York and this girl came up, this waitress came up and she took our order and stuff like that and he said, ‘I knew that girl in school and she wouldn’t give me the time of day.’ “

Cher also said, ”I lived in his apartment.” Tom Cruise was 23 at the time; Cher was 39.

So, she likes gay men. What’s the problem?

In the pic he’s all like, “OMG, it was weird with a vagina.” And she’s all like, “OMG, I know. But you still did good.”

[Damnimcute]

Nicole Kidman has had enough of the church of nutjobs.

At the New York premiere of Ian Halperin’s film, “His Highness Hollywood,” a Scientology insider told Halperin that Kidman “wants her kids out of the church.” Halperin beat up on the faith in his book, “Hollywood Undercover,” and said he wasn’t surprised when, during the premiere, “the projector had been sabotaged.”

We at PopTherapy are glad to hear that she is putting her foot down on that little Tom Cruise insect. Here’s hoping that his guts make a nice squishy sound.

[Celebrityrumors]

And I’m pretty sure he’s smoked some judging by his insanity.

Some licensed marijuana clubs in California are selling a strain of pot called “Tom Cruise Purple”. The vials feature a picture of the scientologist laughing hysterically.

[Damnimcute]