Archive for the 'TomKat' Category

So Tom and Kate moved into some new digs in Beverly Hills and threw a housewarming party. I’m guessing it involved rituals to their UFO god, where one guest gets anally raped at a time until they have enough butt-fuel to escape Earth’s velocity and get back to wherever the fuck they’re from. Oprah was there too. You’ll get a ton of methane ass fuel from that one.

It goes without saying, but I’m gonna say it anyway. The party had an ulterior Scientology motive:

One attendee said, “Everyone he’s been having issues with was invited: Sumner Redstone, Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, you name it. Then there were all the gays, which was hilarious because Scientology ‘cures’ gays . . . There’s a tenet in Scientology that basically says, ‘After you cut people off, you have to invite them back in

Scientology “cures” gays? I guess Tom is the exception to the rule.

[Page Six]

Recent pictures of 2-year-old Suri Cruise, spawn of Tom and Kate, still using a bottle made some question Tom and Katie’s parenting skills. But maybe it’s Scientology’s fault.

According to Defamer, L. Ron Hubbard ordered Scientologist moms to feed their children a mixture of barley water, homogenized milk, and lots of honey, which is a recipe he obtained during time travel to ancient Rome. Some say the cocktail can be toxic.

I say get all babies away from Scientologists as quick as humanly possible. But as far as their formula being toxic, I think it might surprise many people to know just how toxic most mainstream baby formula is as well. And I’m not just saying that so I can see moms breastfeeding. Okay, I am. I walk around the mall to get my fix of milfs handing out liquid lunch. So what?

[Defamer]

More news from the whacked out world of Scientology.

Little Suri Cruise is not even two-years-old, but her parents treat her like an adult. That’s apprently because Tom and Katie, as Scientologists, believe their daughter has lived for billions of years or some crap. They probably believe she shits golden pellets from her diaper-hole, which they study under a microscope for secret messages regarding the coming of Zenu, their overlord.

Their daughter does not even go to bed until 11pm supposedly. Tom forbids television and will severely limit her internet use when she’s old enough to use a computer. He fears anti-Scientology messages. He does not want to anger the Scientology gods.

P.S. That kid looks downright evil!

[Damnimcute]

Katie Holmes attended the 2007 Bambi Awards in support of her handler husband Tom Cruise, sporting a Japanese Harajuku Girl haircut that seems to say, “I love you long time Mistah Tom Cruise”.

One can only surmise that the final phase of brainwashing is in progress. Her new style just screams conformity and a carefree lack of individual thought.

In a candid interview with her new do, some secrets were revealed:

“Yeah, Mistah think me too wild. He teach me. Me love him long time and go by the name Zhang Chow in private. Him jump on couch and say he in love! Get over yourself Mistah. He not so bad weally. Mistah only put me in the thought machine one time for trying to escape during marathon.”

Well, there you have it. Straight from the victim’s scalp. Poor Katie. In five years God only knows what she’ll look like. Maybe the end game is to look exactly like Tom.

No matter how you slice it, I’m creeped out.

[CelebrityRumors]

Scientology victim through marriage and Cruise arm ornament, Katie Holmes has been training for the NYC Marathon. I have to believe that this is Katie’s last chance plan to escape her Scientology programming. While hubby Tom was out filming some movie that will take a back seat to his glistening pearly whites, Katie has been preparing for the big race.

Katie’s rep wouldn’t confirm or deny, but an article in OK! magazine alleges the couple’s security team is investigating what safety measures would need to be taken if Katie decides to run.

She has got to be planning escape from her Stepford Wife existence! I mean, in every photo I have seen lately, she looks pale, frail and unhealthy. This has to be a ploy to escape her role as the newest baby maker in L. Ron Hubbard land.

Katie. PopTherapy can help. If you manage to pull off this plan of yours, we can make you disappear. We’ve done it before. Many stars have come to us in need. We will give you a new identity if you leave your Hollywood life behind. Somewhere in Iowa or Kansas maybe. You can start over and have a new life. Seriously, we have funds set aside.

We like to call it our Wit-less relocation program. Email me!

Famous celebrity couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have confirmed speculations that they have set a wedding date to be married in Italy on November 18.Cruise who is 44 and the younger Holmes at 27 plan to be married at an unanounced location in Italy exactly 19 months to the day from first date.

Cruise had proposed to Katie Holmes at the top of the Eiffel Tower in France, and in April they welcomed daughter Suri.

Spokesperson Arnold Robinson confirms to Us Weekly magazine that the wedding is set for November 18, saying, “Those details are correct,” and continuing, “Proper security measures are being taken,” [for the ceremony to remain private]. Designer Giorgio Armani, also from Italy, will dress the couple on their big day.

This is the first marriage for Katie Holmes, who was previously only engaged to “American Pie” actor Chris Klein. Tom Cruise on the other hand has been married twice before, once to Mimi Rogers (from 1987-1990) and once to Nicole Kidman (1990-2001). Tom has two children with Kidman, Isabella and Connor.

All Tom Cruise needs is Love in order to wish a happy birthday to his mom for her 70th birthday. Tom, his fiance Katie Holmes and his kids Conor and Isabella all took Tom Cruise’s mother Mary Lee to the Love show by Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas.

Tom must really like the show, which is a tribute to the Beatles, and after the show the whole family went back stage where the cast and crew sang happy birthday to Tom’s mother and presented her with a gift.