Archive for the 'Dazed & Confused' Category

Cindy Brady was all hung over during a radio interview. Her 10 year old son was there when she had to go puke in the bathroom. Probably the saddest part of this story is not that she puked, or that her son was there, but rather the fact that the once cute Cindy Brady now looks like an aged trailer park ho. The kind that gives out handjobs for smokes and foodstamps.

Let me know, because I’d rather be looking at that then clawing my eyes out after seeing this pic. Jesus, this Medusa is always catching me off guard. It’s getting to the point where I’m gonna have to tattoo the words HOLY FUCK and I’M BLIND on my eyelids. That way, when I see this kind of sight, I can shut my eyes tight and at the same time, warn anyone looking my way that I just saw something that made me sick to my soul.

Really Amy. Is that fucking toilet paper on your head?? Nice bald spot btw. Do all drug addicts look like Keith Richards or just her?

The internet should really warn you when you’re about to encounter this sort of carnage. Thank Christ I didn’t see her lower regions.

Or so it would seem… A week after getting caught smoking a doobie in a London park, our favorite freak of nature Amy Winehouse took to the streets on Tuesday night and eyewitnesses snapped some photos of the creature.

She is no longer just a train wreck. This is like a 747 hitting a schoolbus at a stoplight. Just look at that glazed look as she communicates with another realm. Frankly I’m surprised the shirt is as white as it is. Even her hair is like wtf? and almost looks like a question mark near her necklace. I’m pretty sure anybody with standards low enough could just walk right up to her and do her for about 15 minutes, then send her on her way and she’d be none the wiser as she goes about her business of mumbling and stumbling.

[AOL]

Jessica Simpson might be “hurting millions of fat people in America” by banning the release of a workout tape produced by fitness video company Speedfit, according to owner Alex Astilean. But there are some good reasons she doesn’t want the tape made public.

“Jessica was a mess during that shoot. She had no focus, she put out something that was entirely unusable,” said a source close to Simpson. “They asked her to come back and reshoot, but she refused, and that’s why she’s facing a lawsuit now.”

So what’s the big deal? Isn’t this how we are used to seeing her?

A magazine that worked with Simpson in the past said that this is a typical problem:

“The (magazine) shoot was an absolute disaster. She showed up and looked like she’d been drinking,” said the magazine editor. “We were there for hours and we had maybe three usable photos from the shoot. We asked for another shoot, and she refused.”

No comment from Simpson. A rep for Simpson simply replied, “This is a legal matter and in the hands of attorneys.”

Sounds like typical Jessica behavior to me. Anyway, who cares. It’s not like she’s an expert on weight loss anyway. She’s always been about 90 pounds soaking wet. She actually burns calories doing simple addition. Jessica is not going to help anybody lose weight. Now teaching people to act like a dim-witted and spoiled Barbie doll, there she has some credibility.

Although looking at the above pic, she might become a chunker yet. And I have an uncanny gift in determining such things. You might say I’m psychic when it comes to future cellulite.

I am prophesizing that Jessica Simpson’s “chunker date” is January 11th 2009. Just wait and see. By that date she will be larger.

[MSNBC]

It won’t be long before our gal Amy graces the cover of Crackwhore magazine. She’s just shooting up the skank chart. Or maybe just shooting up, who knows.

Here’s an adorable home movie of her smoking crack. It plays like the Blair Witch Project. She would be the scary zombie Queen.

This is probably the biggest scare I’ve had since the original Alien movies. I lost my popcorn twice and I never care to have sex again.

Because of this video, Amy Winehouse is now under full 24-hour surveillance to help her get off of drugs. Her father, Mitch, has hired some professional help for the singer.

No, the picture above is not some bizarre ostrich race. And no, that ostrich did not just steal a bunch of nugget sauce and take off down a city street. But it is true that the ostrich looking anomaly seen here is Amy Winehouse with said nugget sauce. Clearly on the run.

It is thought that after Amy attended her husband’s preliminary court hearing today, she left the hearing and went to McDonald’s where she ran wildly around the parking lot clutching packets of McNugget sauce. It’s nice to have hobbies.

She could be the new Hamburglar. A skanked up, tattooed more now hamburglar.

[TheSuperficial]

A new “indoctrination” video has leaked online, in which Tom Cruise rants and raves and babbles like a maniac, like he just had a hit of Ecstasy mixed with crack. Truly frightening stuff. Half the time, I don’t know what the hell he’s trying to say, the other half he laughs maniacally. This is like watching a Scientology puppet show. You know somebody’s hand is up his ass, but you’re not sure what cultist it might be. Watch the video here and if it gets removed watch it on Gawker here.

If you thought Cruise was freaky jumping on Oprahs couch, this is far creepier.

In other Paris Hilton news, comes this gem. If this story is to be believed, then someone needs to sit down with her and explain that smurfs are not real.

She tried to “adopt” two actors who were playing cartoon characters at a Berlin Christmas Market.

“I don’t know if Paris had been on the mulled wine but when she saw the chaps on the sweet stall, she squealed.”

“We heard her saying: ‘Oh my, real live smurfs. I always wanted one when I was a kid’ before turning to her pal and asking: ‘Can I take them home?’

“Then she added: ‘I didn’t realize that this is where they came from.’

“She then started talking about adding them to her collection and bent down to talk to them in a babyish voice.”

Apparently the actors were pretty pissed off. I have to say I don’t blame them. Even if she was drunk, this scenario is pretty damn creepy. One of the smurfs lost it and started yelling at her. Telling her that he was a grown man.

Granted, this is a hard story to swallow, but if Paris has taught us anything, it’s probably true.

Someone needs to hook her up with some baby Einstein videos via her iPod.

[Popcrunch]

Full-time train wreck and part-time soul crooner Amy Winehouse has sparked concern over her mental state after she was spotted roaming the streets of London in her bra early Sunday.

Barefoot, and clad only in her bra and jeans, the troubled singer emerged from a friend’s house in Bow at 5.45am on Sunday looking distressed and agitated.

Onlookers said she appeared disorientated as she wandered around on the pavement for several minutes in the freezing cold before disappearing back inside.

What can we say at this point that hasn’t already been said about this walking ink pad? One thing, and it is this: Some people look better with their clothes on. Or a full body bag for that matter.

What’s with the necklace in the bra strap?

I can only assume that her handlers marched her outside half naked, because the ink on her somewhat boyish body is a map to some hidden skank treasure and they want us to find it.

[DotSpotter]