Kelly Osbourne left her house in London yesterday looking like she stepped out of line with a lesbian lover. Kelly wouldn’t say how she got the shiner though.

I have my own theory. It was Brutus. Check out the anchor on her arm. She’s obviously Popeye. Brutus was probably hitting on her lesbian squeeze Olive Oil and Kelly wasn’t having any of it. But I think Brutus got to her before she could open a can of spinach, or in this case vagina. She won’t be caught off guard again and will be constantly eating spinach/vagina.

Ashton Kutcher will appear in the May issue of Details Magazine and already it’s generated controversy as some of the violent photos were leaked online, zipping around the blogosphere. The cover of the magazine shows Kutcher with the caption, “Ashton Kutcher Gets His Ass Kicked”.

Inside the magazine, you’ll see pictures of a bloody Kutcher and other photos showing the actor bound by duct tape and hanging from a metal pole a few feet off the ground. The photo shoot was done by famed photographer Steve Klein.

I can’t help feeling a tad disappointed. I really wanted him to get his ass kicked for real.

[Ashtonkutcher]