For the sensitive man who owns girlly gadgets. Hello Kitty beer. Lose some masculinity with every sip as your pinky is extended and you use a coaster. wth? I would imagine that Hello Kitty beer tastes like cat piss mixed with cotton candy.

Instead of drunk dialing, this stuff will make you go out and buy more Hello Kitty junk.

[Tokyomango]

Gaming and drinking collide with these WoW steins. Next time you are at one of your conventions, just pull this out of your bag and level up with some booze. All your geek friends will be envious.

It might even score you some elf babe with a huge treasure chest. $89.99 to $174.99.

[WoWsteins.com]

Everyone looks more attractive with Beer goggles, so why not get a prescription pair. You’ll be nailin’ Ugly Betty’s and Fat Fanny’s all the time and they’ll look just fine.

UrbanSpectacles.com manufactures prescription Beer goggles. Every girl will look great, plus you’ll be fashionable. All you need to do is send them your empty beer containers and they will use them as housing for prescription lenses, in the desired tint.

[Slipperybrick]

Ever wanted to open a beer bottle with your ass crack? Or with someone else’s? Sadly it only leads to a torn rectum, with none of the fun usually associated with torn rectums. The Crack It Open wall mounted ass bottle opener will give you a rectum to open your beer. Isn’t that much better then a hospital visit?

[Nerd Approved]

Christ. She looks like a cross dressing rubber doll wearing a tablecloth for a dress! Fuck, she looks like an android from Westworld. This is the first ad with Jessica as the new face of Stampede Light Plus beer. If that’s the face of their beer, I’ll drink my own piss.

They’re obviously trying to go for the Yee-Haw demographic, but even guys who have shotgun racks in their truck and fuck their sister aren’t going to be swayed to drink this crap. Everyone knows that to sell beer, you get in a bikini and wash a damn car or something.

Jessica has thrown more shit at the wall career wise and she’s hoping this one sticks. She is going to be the face of new Dallas’ Stampede Light Plus, according to the Dallas Morning News:

“She’s the face of the brand now,” said Lawrence Schwartz, Stampede’s president and chief executive, who says sales have more than doubled in the past year.
Stampede’s marketing is focused on its vitamin content, which it describes as “functional additives.”
“As an entrepreneur, I am always looking for ways to diversify my portfolio with good ideas and good people,” Ms. Simpson said in a statement. “Yes, I work out and take care of myself, but I also like a cold beer once in a while.”

Beer with vitamins? Oh this douchebag is clever. Next he’ll be telling us that fairies fly out of Jessica’s twat and two london school children have photographed the evidence in 1915. And that they time travel and clean the underwear of masturbating boys so their mom doesn’t find out.

This is what you get when you combine German alcohol mug engineering with Mario. Great way to drink your brew while saving the Princess. By the end of the game, you won’t know whether you completed the game or not, but for some reason you’re humping your beanbag chair.

[Technabob]

As Homer Simpson once said, “Beer. The cause of and solution to all life’s problems.”

Well, there may be more truth to that sage advice after all according to some new research by the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston. The study found that non-drinkers who begin taking the occasional drink live longer and are less likely to develop heart disease.

People who started drinking in middle age were 38 percent less likely to have a heart attack or other serious heart event than abstainers — even if they were overweight, had diabetes, high blood pressure or other heart risks, Dr. Dana King of the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston and colleagues found.

Don’t rush out and bong a six pack. The benefits are greater for wine drinkers and people who drink in moderation.

[Yahoo]

Guinness has launched Proposition 3-17, a campaign to make St. Patrick’s Day an official holiday in the US. Just to go proposition317.com to sign the petition or to just read about why they want March 17 recognized.

Guinness needs 1 million signatures to take the issue to Congress. As of this writing they had over 886,000 signatures to go. I suppose we could always use another holiday. Especially one that gives us reason to have a tasty Guinness.

In the “now I’ve seen it all” category, comes this Moaner Lisa bottle opener. She basically pops the cap off of your favorite brew with some sort of butt-cheek or perhaps vagina-muscle clenching action. As if that weren’t enough, while performing this action she cries out in orgasmic ecstacy.

Yes. Ohhh yes. Oh GOD yes!

Requires 2 AA batteries. Hey, all that orgasmic muscle power takes energy. It will cost you £4.99 and improve your sex-cred. Your neighbors will think you are getting some everytime you open a beer.

[Shinyshiny] VIA [Gizmodo]