Some guy made his kid this life-sized Yoda cake for his son’s fourth birthday. Great, but are you really going to eat the dude that can teach you the force?

September 8th 1966. Nerds everywhere were in awe. If any of them had ever had sex previously, it would not happen again. It probably led to everything from 12 sided dice to comic cons, to grown men wearing Uhura’s uniform, and so in honor of all things Trek I present to you once again the Star Trek Next Generation Rap.

Ok, this is weird. Not what I expected at all. She celebrated her 19th birthday by wearing a dunce cap and a “Rockstar” chain. Yeah, I’m a little disappointed. I just expected her to be hotter. Of course it could be that I need another viagra. I’ve needed the magic pill ever since I saw a naked pic of Amy Winehouse that wrecked my dick forever.

Happy Birthday Marisa Miller! Best picture ever!

Hugh Hefner recently turned 82, so Pam Anderson jumped out of his birthday cake! Scared him to death too, so he clutched his heart and asked for one last piece of poontang. That last part is a lie, but very likely.

Don’t get me wrong, Pam was a hot babe many years ago, but today she looks like one of those overly tanned older ladies with too much make-up. Too much plastic surgery. Might as well have one of the Golden Girls jumping out of the cake.

The Girls Next Door did not want to be outdone so presented Hugh with chocolate-shaped body parts. Wilkinson said. “We molded our body parts and gave it to him, and he ate them all.”

[Stupidcelebrities]

I feel like I’ve been mind-fucked after watching this thing. It starts out with Cruise entering to some Top-Gun music as scenes from Top Gun play behind the guitarist. Then Cruise is in his seat acting INSANE and DEMENTED as he claps like a retard. It goes downhill from there.

Funny thing is, Andrew Morton wrote in his best-selling biography of Tom Cruise that the Hollywood star is prominent in the hierarchy of the Church of Scientology. This enraged the sect:

“Insinuations that Mr. Cruise is second-in-command of the Church are not only false, they are ludicrous,” the Scientologists maintained. “He is neither 2nd or 100th. Mr. Cruise is a Scientology parishioner and holds no official or unofficial position in the Church hierarchy. Claims to the contrary are offensive to both Mr. Cruise and the Church.”

Then what the hell gives? This aint a bash for your average converted pod person.

After the movie clips are played, and the bands perform, Cruise says: “This is incredible… It’s the best birthday ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, and I mean ever!”

Thanks Tom, this shit never gets old. Scientology keeps me in stitches and I don’t just mean when they force your eyes open to look at the pretty lights.

[Gawker]