Damn the Japanese to hell. I’m sick of them getting all the good stuff. And by good stuff I mean the dorkiest nerdiest stuff on the planet that I want and need to fulfill my life. Choco Eggs are made by Furuta, a Japanese company. They’re like cadbury eggs except there’s a small plastic toy inside. There’s a Super Mario version of the Choco Eggs for $2.75 each. You can get 12 different Mario figures.

Again fuck Japan! We need this more then you. Stop buying all this shit and go play the Wii with your whore!

[JBOX]

Not the planet. These chocolates are shaped like anuses. I almost didn’t share this one because it’s just so nasty and also juvenile. But since you know me so well, you knew I had to share this. Plus, I know that some of you have always wished there were some sort of choco-anus you could lick and suck. Hey, I’m not judging you. I have a blowup doll of Bea Arthur in my closet, wearing a swarovski studded girdle.

Here it is, the Incredible Edible Anus. You heard correct. Or as I like to call them, butthole bon bons. You can order a box of 12 or a single 35mm x 25mm x 25mm ‘Big Boy’ for about $6. And for a limited time you can get one made out of pure silver for about $470!

Eat up!

[Edibleanus]

This is a perfect gift to send people a none too subtle hint. I’m thinking mother-in-laws. Each piece comes with a message:

“Get your snout in this. Shove every single square in your face right now. And do it quick. Or some other fat pig might ask you for a piece. Oink, oink!”

[Fatpigchocolate]

A company called ANovelT aren’t afraid to make “Chocolate Party Hats” designed to be worn on your “other head” and “consumed” during oral sex. This product would seem to cater to both geeks and people who have sex. Which is an oxymoron. My guess is, they sold 2 so far. Both sales were to guys who have large comic book collections and are double jointed.

You can get a viking helmet and a cowboy hat AND they’re working on a CHOCOLATE MASTER CHIEF PENIS HELMET.

Just like that Master Chief becaomes Master-Bating Chief.

[The Raw Feed]

The chocolate scrabble candy bar makes playing word games delicious and diabetic…And you’ll have a hard time spelling words after you’ve eaten several key letters. Problem is to get all of the scrabble tiles you would need for a game, you would have to buy like 10 of these.

Silly humans. What will they come up with next? Oh yeah, I forgot about this. Silly me.

[Core77]