He looks like a douche. But my main thing is this: Why does her purse have two deflated tits on it? Is this some new “grow your own tits until you’re old enough to wear em” thing?

wtf? Pamela Anderson and Michael Jackson have been secretly dating, according to the UK Mirror. The two met up in Malibu and apparently hit it off. I thought he pretty much had a vagina these days. I guess they could scissor each other to death. Which would be interesting because I’ve never seen two facially messed up Batman villains do it.

They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off.”
So much so Michael plucked up the courage to ask Pammy out on a second date. And she was more than happy to accept.
We’re told: “They went for a coffee at Country Mart in Malibu and looked very comfortable with each other. They chatted about Michael turning 50, his new album, their kids. And he seemed genuinely interested in Pamela.”

The Miley Cyrus train wreck in the making just keeps on chugging. Now, she’s reportedly dating a much older man – a 22-year-old. Miley is only 15.

Normally, that would land a guy in jail, but rules are different in Hollywood. Famous jailbait apparently makes it alright. The pedophile in question, I mean, boyfriend, is her 22-year-old backup dancer, Marshall. The two have been caught flirting on camera and kissing and hugging each other. I wonder what Billy Ray thinks about this. It is perfectly acceptable in hillbilly law.

That’s right, techno-dork and bald uber-annoyance Moby actually dated Natalie Portman. Frankly, I’m stunned. What kind of backwards world am I living in?

“I guess in some people’s eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy – and, as a nerd, I’m certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that. But as far as the very brief affair that I had with Natalie, it’s made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath,” the techno-whiz tells next month’s Spin. “You don’t date Luke Skywalker’s mom and not have them hate your guts.”

You bald fucker! How dare you? I’m so mad that I am sorely tempted to act out my rage via Star Wars figures and put the video on youtube. Lucky for you Mr. Moby, they are all Mint in the package. Including Padme…And she is alone in her sealed plastic bubble…Not with you….NOT WITH YOU!!!…NEVER WITH YOU!!!

I need a break. I’m going to take a few weeks off and alphabetize my entire collection, so I can make trades at the next Comic con…Try to forget about Moby and work out my nerd rage….Fucker!

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