Keeping up with Khloe Kardashian just got a little harder — the reality princess is heading to the jail and it’s not for being the chubby and fugly sister.

Khloe must surrender to authorities on Friday and serve up to 30 days in jail for violating her probation after a 2007 DUI arrest. She’ll also have to enroll in an alcohol program.

What the hell is she drinking for? It’s the guy that wants to bang her that needs to drink. Well, drink and bring a double ply bag for her face.

Cindy Brady was all hung over during a radio interview. Her 10 year old son was there when she had to go puke in the bathroom. Probably the saddest part of this story is not that she puked, or that her son was there, but rather the fact that the once cute Cindy Brady now looks like an aged trailer park ho. The kind that gives out handjobs for smokes and foodstamps.

Courtney Love…A single skank equivalent to many skanks in a trainwreck… Her legs must have given out at some point because she ended up in a Malibu shopping cart. But she did have enough energy to flip off the photographer. Very lady-like and dignified as if escorted in her throne for years.

Her handler looks happy too. Good for them. I hope they go home and fuck each other for what little money they both have.

[TMZ]

Naomi Campbell got so drunk in Italy earlier this week that she fell down like a rag doll. Whatever. Her agent came up with the lamest excuse ever:

“It was just a bit of fun and not down to drink. Naomi was playing this trust game, where you fall into a friend’s arms. It’s very hot there, so that could also have had something to do with it.”

Yeah, a trust game. Like, when I fall down piss drunk, I trust you won’t sell this shit to the tabloids.

Here’s a pic of Heather Locklear drunk and apparently signing and throwing gang signs. She did everything short of flip the bird.

In the pic above, she appears to have lost a finger, which sucks for her own self-pleasure because I ain’t gonna do her looking like that and neither is anyone else. Maybe if she was still T.J. Hooker Locklear…I hope that wasn’t her clit finger.

Let me know, because I’d rather be looking at that then clawing my eyes out after seeing this pic. Jesus, this Medusa is always catching me off guard. It’s getting to the point where I’m gonna have to tattoo the words HOLY FUCK and I’M BLIND on my eyelids. That way, when I see this kind of sight, I can shut my eyes tight and at the same time, warn anyone looking my way that I just saw something that made me sick to my soul.

Really Amy. Is that fucking toilet paper on your head?? Nice bald spot btw. Do all drug addicts look like Keith Richards or just her?

The internet should really warn you when you’re about to encounter this sort of carnage. Thank Christ I didn’t see her lower regions.

I’d be drinking too if I had to sit through all those idiots. They all sound like they’re singing through a cat’s ass.

I try not to watch the show myself, but apparently the kooky judge gave a critique for a performance that had yet to take place last night. I’d say that shows clearly that the show is scripted. It also shows that she may have been hitting the sauce.

[thehollywoodgossip]

Next month the Iron Man movie comes out. Just in time comes this one-of-a-kind, custom-modded Iron Man action figure from Jin Saotome. Painted to resemble Tony Stark after a serious bender, and based on a Marvel Movie Legends Iron Man figure, the alcohol-poisoned hero doesn’t look so good.

It comes with several miniature beer cans and a mini bottle of Bacardi. Painted in all the hues of vomit, the green, yellow, and orange figure is up for auction on eBay and is currently at $102.50.

[eBay] VIA [Crave]

No, not for punishment for making horrible movies. Judging by some of those movies, some might say she’s been in and out of morgues for years. This is punishment for drunk driving.

The 21-year-old actress will be working at a morgue as part of her punishment for misdemeanor drunken driving. She has already spent two months in rehab and has done her share of community service. Now she will see dead people.

Two four-hour days at the morgue are part of a court-ordered program to show drivers the real-life consequences of drinking and driving. She may also spend two days working in a hospital emergency room.

Awesome idea. This should get it through those thick Hollywood heads that it is no game. Real people can be killed by their lack of common sense.

[AOL]

What can I say about our Paris? She is a real class act. Here’s some footage of Paris in the club at LAX in Las Vegas the other night, acting very unlady like and apparently drunk, but what else is new?

She drops the f-bomb so many times and talks about balls and nuts and wanting to “service” the guys in a variety of ways. Then she offers to have sex with everyone in the room. I guess she was hard up.

I can only imagine that when morning rolled around, even the free clinics were making money. Getting antibiotics in that area will be like trying to find a Wii in Siberia.