Hef has been down in the dumps since Holly announced that it was over. No one could help him fake the fact that his dick still works better then Holly. Then he walked a few feet out his door and grabbed another, knighting her with a huge dildo on each shoulder and proclaiming her his new top ho.

“There’s been moments that I’ve been down in the dumps about all this, and (personal assistant) Mary (O’Connor) told me to cheer up and pointed out that there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that’s hard to believe, but it seems to be true.
“It’s a big house. And I’m not going to live alone. I’m definitely not going to live alone.”
It is believed Madison called the relationship off after Hefner refused to marry her or father her children.
But the 83-year-old says she learned of his reluctance to commit six months ago.
He adds, “The fact that she was depressed after that, I didn’t know at all. That was a revelation in the last days and weeks. Quite frankly, we thought when the time came, we would make a combined statement and we expected that combined statement would be somewhere in the weeks and months ahead.”

Hugh Hefner’s youngest and dumbest girlfriend/ho Kendra Wilkinson is reportedly dating Hank Baskett of the Philadelphia Eagles, according to Page Six. They which also confirms the rumors of Holly Madison and Criss Angel hooking up are true:

As for Madison’s fling with Angel, Hefner smirked, “One hopes . . . that when she starts dating, she’ll have better taste.” Only Bridget Marquardt, who is married to a man in Ohio, has stayed loyal while developing a show for the Travel Channel.

So Kendra’s new career is dating sports players. What else was she gonna do, honestly.

Kendra Wilkinson is moving out of the Playboy Mansion and starring in her own reality show. How she made this happen, I have no idea. I think it involved Hef’s penis, viagra and some Redbull. Also it turns out Holly Madison did not leave the Mansion for Criss Angel. His people are believed to be behind the rumor. But Hugh Hefner tells E! Online that the other girls may be getting spinoffs too:

While he won’t confirm anything about Wilkinson, Hefner says, “I think all three girls are likely to get spinoffs. I think they will be interconnected to the main show, and we will all appear on both.”
For now, however, Hef, Wilkinson and his two other girlfriends, Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, have other things to think about, like the Oct. 5 premiere of season five of GND.
Even Hefner is amazed at how successful the show has become. “It’s amazing. We’re about to launch season five,” he said, adding, “We thought it would be a one-season wonder.”

Rumor is that Holly left Hef. I say it’s bullshit. He would have to forcibly pry her cold dead hands from his Playboy money and sperm. Also apparently Holly somehow has been seeing Criss Angel, the half retard magician. Talk about downgrading. That guy makes I Am Sam look like Sean Connery.

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Things aren’t all roses at the Playboy mansion. Two of Hef’s top earning whores are fighting. Seems that Holly and Kendra can’t be in the same room together for 5 minutes and it’s even affecting the film crew.

My take on this? Simple. Kendra is an annoying bitch. Would I bang her? Sure, but that’s not the point. How often can you stand to hear Kendra’s airhead laugh. I’d much rather they focused on Holly for the entire show. It’s hard to get your rocks off when they keep cutting away. I find her fascinating.

Here’s Hef with his 3 top earners at the 36th Annual AFI Life Achievement Awards ceremony. These aren’t the brightest pegs in the lite-brite set, but between them, they could probably screw in a lightbulb while simultaneously looking toward the camera. Just a side note, I’m pretty sure Hef’s dick has been wrecked for years.