Apparently, it’s that time of the year again where Hayden Panettiere saves the whales. She took part in the “Save the Whales Again” rally in Washington D.C. on Saturday where everyone laid down to form a giant outline of a whale for an aerial pic.

Word is she will be be meeting with Rosanne Barr, Oprah, and some other whales to see how she can help.

Hayden Panettiere ‘endorses’ John McCain, in a clever way of showing retards and idiots who eat their own shit and fling it, the dangers of doing just that. I think it’s hot when Hayden says the Fuck word.

In this “parody” video, Jessica Alba continues to encourage people to vote rather then sit on their ass and masturbate to her in movies. The video also features a muzzled Hayden Panettiere, which is somehow sexually arousing.

Jesus Christ! WTF. That honker is so freaking huge the dude has to be hiding a camera in that thing, filming the kiss super up close like that awesome vintage swedish porn stuff. Look at the way he’s grabbing her. Like he’s pulling her in closer to slurp her up with his Howard Stern implant. It’s a mammoth nose. The kind of nose that occasionally throughout history has saved the Jewish people while walking through deserts and such.

Ok, this is weird. Not what I expected at all. She celebrated her 19th birthday by wearing a dunce cap and a “Rockstar” chain. Yeah, I’m a little disappointed. I just expected her to be hotter. Of course it could be that I need another viagra. I’ve needed the magic pill ever since I saw a naked pic of Amy Winehouse that wrecked my dick forever.

Hayden is looking as hot as ever. I’m hoping that this next season of heroes gives her some sexual superpowers, but until then here’s a promotional video she made for Candie’s. Make sure you have the kleenex box next to you before you watch it, cuz it’s probably good to rub one out. And that’s about all it’s good for. Mute the volume. That reminds me, I have to buy more Kleenex.

Why does my daughter not loan me some money! Punch! Take that silly ribbon off! Punch! Is it wrong to think my daughter is hot and go into her panty drawer? Punch!

And for the love of god, why do I look like The Greatest American Hero guy? Punch!

Yesterday we reported on Hayden Panettiere’s new single “Wake Up Call.” Well, the 18-year-old star released a video to go with it. I find that cotton soaked Vaseline stops ear bleeding.

It’s like a worm crawled in my ear, started a fire and pissed all over my brain to put it out. I guess because she’s hot she thinks she can do anything. She can’t. Stop singing now!!!!

That’s about all I have to say. She’s smoking hot. This beats the stalker pics I took last year from her bushes…of her bush.