Hef has been down in the dumps since Holly announced that it was over. No one could help him fake the fact that his dick still works better then Holly. Then he walked a few feet out his door and grabbed another, knighting her with a huge dildo on each shoulder and proclaiming her his new top ho.

“There’s been moments that I’ve been down in the dumps about all this, and (personal assistant) Mary (O’Connor) told me to cheer up and pointed out that there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that’s hard to believe, but it seems to be true.
“It’s a big house. And I’m not going to live alone. I’m definitely not going to live alone.”
It is believed Madison called the relationship off after Hefner refused to marry her or father her children.
But the 83-year-old says she learned of his reluctance to commit six months ago.
He adds, “The fact that she was depressed after that, I didn’t know at all. That was a revelation in the last days and weeks. Quite frankly, we thought when the time came, we would make a combined statement and we expected that combined statement would be somewhere in the weeks and months ahead.”

The former number-one girlfriend of the Playboy founder confirmed her break up with Hef this week, simply telling celebrity gossip blog TMZ: “Hef and I aren’t together.”

Truth is that old man sex is fucking nasty. It’s like when you walk in on your grandparents fucking, but your grandmother happens to be the lovely Holly Madison riding and grinding against shriveled prunes that drag against the bed and every once in a while your grandfather actually moves despite the risk of a stroke, always allowing the Grim Reapers Scythe to just miss, because he’s right there watching this horror and doing his best to end it.

Rumor is that Holly left Hef. I say it’s bullshit. He would have to forcibly pry her cold dead hands from his Playboy money and sperm. Also apparently Holly somehow has been seeing Criss Angel, the half retard magician. Talk about downgrading. That guy makes I Am Sam look like Sean Connery.

Things aren’t all roses at the Playboy mansion. Two of Hef’s top earning whores are fighting. Seems that Holly and Kendra can’t be in the same room together for 5 minutes and it’s even affecting the film crew.

My take on this? Simple. Kendra is an annoying bitch. Would I bang her? Sure, but that’s not the point. How often can you stand to hear Kendra’s airhead laugh. I’d much rather they focused on Holly for the entire show. It’s hard to get your rocks off when they keep cutting away. I find her fascinating.