Moby pretty much just fessed up to being a chubby chaser. The techno-music nerd has a serious crush on Britney Spears. But not the old hot Britney, the new flabby armed train wreck.

“The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, the more I love her. I found her moderately appealing in the late 90s, but now I would marry her in a heartbeat.”

Better hit that soon Moby. If you wait much longer you’re gonna have to roll her in flour just to find the wet spot.

[Damnimcute]

That’s right, techno-dork and bald uber-annoyance Moby actually dated Natalie Portman. Frankly, I’m stunned. What kind of backwards world am I living in?

“I guess in some people’s eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy – and, as a nerd, I’m certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that. But as far as the very brief affair that I had with Natalie, it’s made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath,” the techno-whiz tells next month’s Spin. “You don’t date Luke Skywalker’s mom and not have them hate your guts.”

You bald fucker! How dare you? I’m so mad that I am sorely tempted to act out my rage via Star Wars figures and put the video on youtube. Lucky for you Mr. Moby, they are all Mint in the package. Including Padme…And she is alone in her sealed plastic bubble…Not with you….NOT WITH YOU!!!…NEVER WITH YOU!!!

I need a break. I’m going to take a few weeks off and alphabetize my entire collection, so I can make trades at the next Comic con…Try to forget about Moby and work out my nerd rage….Fucker!

[Page Six]