Natalie Portman got more then she bargained for in a NYC park the other day. Natalie was walking her dog when she decided to bend down. That’s when some golden shower loving dog took a wiz on Queen Amidala.

I’m a little pissed off myself. When last I wrote Natalie, she wanted nothing to do with golden showers. At least that’s how I took the silence and lack of reply. Now she’s letting some dog give it to her? Well, it’s the least she deserves for Star Wars 1 through 3.

[dlisted]

That’s right, techno-dork and bald uber-annoyance Moby actually dated Natalie Portman. Frankly, I’m stunned. What kind of backwards world am I living in?

“I guess in some people’s eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy - and, as a nerd, I’m certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that. But as far as the very brief affair that I had with Natalie, it’s made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath,” the techno-whiz tells next month’s Spin. “You don’t date Luke Skywalker’s mom and not have them hate your guts.”

You bald fucker! How dare you? I’m so mad that I am sorely tempted to act out my rage via Star Wars figures and put the video on youtube. Lucky for you Mr. Moby, they are all Mint in the package. Including Padme…And she is alone in her sealed plastic bubble…Not with you….NOT WITH YOU!!!…NEVER WITH YOU!!!

I need a break. I’m going to take a few weeks off and alphabetize my entire collection, so I can make trades at the next Comic con…Try to forget about Moby and work out my nerd rage….Fucker!

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