Kelly Osbourne left her house in London yesterday looking like she stepped out of line with a lesbian lover. Kelly wouldn’t say how she got the shiner though.

I have my own theory. It was Brutus. Check out the anchor on her arm. She’s obviously Popeye. Brutus was probably hitting on her lesbian squeeze Olive Oil and Kelly wasn’t having any of it. But I think Brutus got to her before she could open a can of spinach, or in this case vagina. She won’t be caught off guard again and will be constantly eating spinach/vagina.

What kind of bizarro world am I living in here, where Amy Winehouse moves into the land of OZ? I just can’t figure out which one she would be, maybe the Scarecrow in need of a brain.

Apparently her and Kelly Osbourne are close and according to reports, the cracked out skank-pole is planning on moving in with the famous reality TV family.

She is reportedly moving in to the family’s guest house.

What is up with this? Don’t they have enough animal feces to clean up already around there? I’m surprised Jack and Kelly aren’t pissing themselves, while Ozzy does the zombie walk and mumbles incoherently.

Well, the Osbournes do like to take in strays so maybe it will be good for her and get her off the crack and whatnot.

[ExtraTV]