Here’s one for all of you who give a shit about how Kelly Osbourne learned about the birds and bees.

She was given sex education lessons while on tour with her father, because organizers handed out free condoms to everyone backstage. You know, because it was a real fuckfest. Fuckfest 85 I think it was called. Ozzy was fucking Sharon because no one else would, roadies were fucking each other. The bat that got it’s head bit off was being skull fucked by some dude or other. Good times.

See, the 23-year-old spent a lot of time on the road as a child, touring with her dad’s band, Black Sabbath. The lifestyle forced her mother, Sharon Osbourne, to tell her the facts of life at a young age.

She tells British magazine New!, “I was on tour with my dad and at every single one of his shows, they hand out free condoms. I was about seven or eight and I picked up a packet and was like, ‘Mum, what’s this?’
“She had to explain to me what they were. It was something my parents have never been shy about. They always told us what they think and that we should protect ourselves.”

What kind of bizarro world am I living in here, where Amy Winehouse moves into the land of OZ? I just can’t figure out which one she would be, maybe the Scarecrow in need of a brain.

Apparently her and Kelly Osbourne are close and according to reports, the cracked out skank-pole is planning on moving in with the famous reality TV family.

She is reportedly moving in to the family’s guest house.

What is up with this? Don’t they have enough animal feces to clean up already around there? I’m surprised Jack and Kelly aren’t pissing themselves, while Ozzy does the zombie walk and mumbles incoherently.

Well, the Osbournes do like to take in strays so maybe it will be good for her and get her off the crack and whatnot.

[ExtraTV]