Another week has come and gone. Our nerd intern created a video highlighting some of this week’s celeb news. Truth be told, he’s a little scary and I’m just hoping he gets out of his mother’s basement soon. He’s good at getting coffee and he works for free. Still…creepy.

Is Paris..
A. Getting fat?

B. Modeling her new line of maternity ware?

C. Showing off her new belly mutation because the primordial soup of guy spunk in her stomach decided it wants to evolve?

This wouldn’t be the first time Paris had a little Captain in her. And lieutenants and ensigns…I mean the navy does have leave and those guys all come ashore. She gives them crunch-berries, but the Navy has plenty of penicillin.

She’s got the legs of a 50 year old in this pic.

[E!]

Can’t get enough crap MTV drama in your diet? Don’t you worry. MTV is signing up Paris and Brody Jenner. Brody’s new craptastic show will have him looking for a new BFF, since he apparently lost his BFF on another MTV turd. And since Paris is also looking for a new BFF, she’s getting a show too.

So, now it’s been like 20 years since MTV has been original.

I think they should have a show together. Brody can bang what’s left of her brains out and then complain about herpes, while she gets distracted by shiny things.

[Damnimcute]

The latest data availability initiative on MySpace that allows people to share profile information with other websites has a problem. Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan’s private photos have been accessed, and Myspace had to disable the feature until the issue is fixed.

No lesbo pictures or sex acts unfortunately.

[Valleywag]

Celebrities get way too much plastic surgery. But why do they choose that nose, or those cheekbones? How would you make them look hotter? DestinationCreation.com performed virtual plastic surgery on the likes of Fergie, Paris Hilton, Jaz Z, Marc Anthony, Amy Winehouse and even Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean.

[destinationcreation]

Ever wonder what celebs would look like without plastic surgery? The Xiomara Coronado Beauty Center wants you to know that without it, you are gonna look fugly. To illustrate their point, they created some images of famous celebrities and what they would look like without operations.

Shakira, Paris Hilton & Angelina Jolie. Oddly, they look like they belong in a zombie trailer park, smoking 3 packs of camels a day. Check out another below.
(more…)

Let’s begin by asking Sally Struthers. “Do you want to have hair like Paris Hilton?”

“Sure. We all do.”

There ya go. Now you can. Paris may be shaved below(That’s how I like to imagine it) but up top she has a full head of hair. That’s why the heiress launched Clipin-Go, a line of fake hair extensions, making it even easier for her fans to copy her look.

Clipin-Go comes in 10 different colors, and each set costs a whopping $80. The ads for this snake oil are currently being shot at Smashbox Studios in LA starring none other than Paris herself.

[Parishiltononline]

Apparently Paris is working on a perpetual motion device that will rid the world of the need for oil. In her spare time, she’s been breeding bacterial cultures capable of curing everything from crabs to cancer. Oh, and she’s also found a way to get herself all kinds of fucked up by feeding herself alcohol via a hamster-cage watering device…

Of course Hayden may be biased. The 18-year-old Heroes star has been a close friend of Paris Hilton’s for several years.

“She’s a nice girl and a lot brighter than people give her credit (for) but no one sees her like that because she plays this character all the time.”

Oh right, the character… that character that gets wasted at nightclubs and offers to do everyone there. The one with the catchphrases and the look in her eyes that says, I’m just coasting through my day hoping I come off smart until it’s time to skank it up tonight.

The mythbusters just called me. They’re having all kinds of trouble disproving the myth that men have to tie a two by four beam to their ass so they don’t fall in.

Genius in a Forest Gump kind of way…maybe. But she’s no Einstein.

[Thehollywoodgossip]

Yeah, so what else is new. Sources say that Paris window shopped her way through South Africa, asking how much things cost everywhere she went. Even the wildlife. Entertainment Wise reports:

“Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman’s dress, she would ask how much it was.

That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, ‘If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?’”

More likely it would kill you, you brain dead camera ho! It would eat you and promptly vomit due to your special alcohol-rich skank blood known as type ho negative.