I’ve never used my sandwich as a boner before, but judging by the reaction of the woman in the video, I should begin immediately.

Check out these measuring condoms. It’s for those guys who get into arguments about who’s bigger, then have to whip it out and compare. Which is gay. And that’s how some homosexuals are created. Because when two guys are standing there holding their wangs they don’t have nothin’ to lose cept for their ass virginity. At least now they will know who’s bigger so they can form a power bottom/top plan. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Many men give their penis a nickname…for some reason. Now, a site lets you register that name to prove it’s as unique as your penis itself. They give you a certificate and everything so it’s all official like. The name of the site is nameyourwang.com!

I’m hoping Engelbert Humperdinck is available.

[Nameyourwang]

Turn out lights. Grab your Penis flashlight and re-enact the famous duel between Darth vader and Luke Skywalker with your loved one. Then when you are all tuckered out from your freakish and perverse hobbies, put it in your night stand in case it’s needed.

If you hear something in the middle of the night, jump out of bed, illuminate your cock-saber and investigate. Should you encounter an intruder, he will be so scared seeing a glowing and illuminated cock that he will fly out the door quicker then Scooby and Shaggy in a haunted house.

On the off chance the intruder is for some reason, thrilled to see a huge glowing boner, just knock him out cold with a Penis to the head.

Security and protection all for $14.95. You can’t beat that with a…cock flashlight.

I want to order one as bait. I’m confident that if I mount this by the curb, it will attract every skank from their barstool, within a 5 mile radius. Sorta like the Bat-signal. I’ll let ya know.

[Nerd Approved]

A company called ANovelT aren’t afraid to make “Chocolate Party Hats” designed to be worn on your “other head” and “consumed” during oral sex. This product would seem to cater to both geeks and people who have sex. Which is an oxymoron. My guess is, they sold 2 so far. Both sales were to guys who have large comic book collections and are double jointed.

You can get a viking helmet and a cowboy hat AND they’re working on a CHOCOLATE MASTER CHIEF PENIS HELMET.

Just like that Master Chief becaomes Master-Bating Chief.

[The Raw Feed]