Is there any better way to introduce children to the birds and the bees, then by teaching through the packaging of their toys? I think not. Dinosaurs humping. If Barbie and Ken were packaged like this, parents would not have to explain sex to their kids.

[Failblog] VIA [Geekologie]

Something strange is going on between vagina and cartoons. First these cartoon vibrators show up, now the “Boy And Girl Toy Series Vibrator” rears their reverberating heads.

What’s next? Looney Tunes? A Foghorn Leghorn dildo? Elmer Fudd? “Be very very quiet. I’m hunting poontang.”

[2dayblog]

Wow! An Artificial Virginity Hymen, for the ladies! Now you can let your man experience the first time again. Just insert this Artificial Virginity Hymen in your love hole, carefully, then it will expand a little and you will feel a little tight.

When penetration occurs, it will ooze out realistic blood.

Ok, even I’m like wtf?

[2dayblog]

Here’s a treat for those who love the taste of Latex, without all of that cock. You’ll love Condom Ice Cream. The package features a condom-loving turtle. But condoms kill turtles. It’s a fact. Condoms clog our oceans and turtles deep-throat them and gag, then die.

You’ll need a pair of scissors, because you have to cut the latex to get at the sweet condom juice inside.
No joke. Poor turtles.

[Condomunity]

Here’s a great gift for Wii owners who like to combine gaming and sex. Just make sure you disinfect your Wii-board before you let someone borrow it. Looks like fun.

[about:blank]

It would have been a whole different movie had Han Solo been put in one of these. Jabba would have been a butt-pirate and Slave Leia would have been completely willing to participate.

This Latex Vac-Bed is a bondage restraint that connects to a household vacuum cleaner. It immobilizes the individual between two layers of 14 gauge latex rubber by sucking out the air between the “sheets.” It will cost you pervs $640.

I’m assuming Bounty Huntrs will be using this until Carbonite freezing is a viable option.

[BB]

This is just plain wrong. It’s the kind of thing that your dominatrix makes you build so that she can visually show you what kind of pain you are in for. One more after the break.
(more…)

MyFace Condoms are custom condoms with your image printed on them. You can add your name and phone number if you like. It’s like a business card in that you will give it to someone, then that person may or may not get back to you, but if the do you’ll probably get f**ked. Just like in business.

Thing is, these are a bad idea. Let’s say I decide to bang some girl I shouldn’t be banging at someone else’s place where I should not be bringing girls to bang. Hey, it could happen. I do get a few hours to myself when not blogging about condoms and the like. Anyway, I open the condom, we do the nasty, she tells me that I’ve ruined her for all other men and we part company.

But I left the condom wrapper! Now they know my face. Now I have to explain to my grandmother why her hospital bed smells like sex, with my torn picture on the dresser.

[Nerve]

Food having sex is nothing new. I once encountered a whole bag full of gummy bears who were stuck together in a gooey gummy free for all orgy.

This bull and donkey were caught doing the nasty in a bowl of animal crackers by some guy’s wife. And before the bull could spray his crumbs all over the place, they were on eBay.

As you can see from the pictures, What we have here is a bull making sweet, sweet love to a donkey. (too bad it isn’t an elephant—it would make a great political piece!) My wife pulled this out of a bowl of animal crackers a few weeks ago. I have been storing it in an air-tight bag since! The cracker was baked like this!!! No foul play!

This may not be bestiality, but is it Yeastiality? Anyone?

[ebay]

In an interview with News of the World, the talentless star says she’s happy with boyfriend Benji Madden, but that previous men in her life all used her for money and/or sex.

Every other guy I’ve been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people. After a while I had to start questioning exactly why somebody wanted to be with me. And that made things really difficult.

I thought money and sex was all she had to offer. What other talent does she have? I say use what god gave you.