Sometimes I hear something so repulsive I want to jump the hell off of this spinning blue marble and incinerate myself in the sun. According to Variety, the suck-cess of Alvin and the Chipmunks have led to a soon to be made Smurf movie.

We’re very excited to introduce a new generation to Papa Smurf, Smurfette and the other smurftastic Smurfs in all of their ‘three-apple-tall’ glory,” [said] Columbia co-president Doug Belgrad.

When asked point blank if he was fucked in his Smurf loving head, he chuckled, toked on his joint and toyed with his Gargamel figure.

The smurfs movie was said to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse. It’s in the bible and everything. The one that I wrote when I was mind-humping that hippie cult out west. Hey, it was a different era. The hippie chick sex was good and allowed me to father a ton of children without paying crap. Needless to say, when the Jesus UFO failed to show up, people got a little pissed. It’s amazing how many problems all get solved at once with a huge vat of kool-aid.

[Variety]

Dude…*cough cough* I’m gonna like totally nail Smurfette tonight. So hungry. Mouth so dry. How’d I get in the Indian outfit? At least I didn’t get violated by Gargamel again. Dude, I’m so baked.

[Faboo]