Some friends of the Cruises are saying that his cars are equipped with bulletproof windows and are also bomb proof! Get a grip buddy! Word is his cars look totally normal, but are in fact armored fortresses. The God of Scientology needs to be protected after all and these are like his Pope-mobiles. This paranoid fruitcake allegedly doesn’t even let Katie drive likes and he likes to drive her himself. For Xenu’s sake dude, let the woman have some alone time! Women need alone time. At least that’s what they always tell me just before I never see them again.

For Christ’s sake Tommy boy, you mean to tell me you got your own version of Wile E. Coyote out there setting traps and trying to assassinate you in your car? So you bought yourself some ACME vehicle armor kits, huh? I bet it’s Dr. Drew. You two really need to cool your feud and make love already.

[Hollyscoop]

Here’s the latest in the homosexual catfight between Dr. Drew and Tom Cruise. They’re at the stage where they’re sort of pulling each others pigtails because they like each other…A whole lot. In one corner we have Dr. Drew, whose career is built on the misery of others. In the other corner, we have Tom Cruise whose career is built around making those who watch him miserable.

Like a pint sized dictator, Cruise displayed the power of his Scientology cult…through his lawyer, who compared the psycho psychiatrist Dr. Drew Pinksy to notorious Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels after Pinksy criticized Cruise for his involvement in the cult. Tom Cruise himself has been compared to Goebbels by a prominent German WWII historian.

In next month’s Playboy, Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” says: “A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.” Cruise’s lawyer, Bert Fields, told us: “This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

I agree with both of them. You are both douche. Just hump each other already.

[NYpost]

Dr. Drew, you know that fake Doctor otherwise known as Dr. Douche from celebrity rehab. He thinks Tom Cruise is a nutjob. I think it’s funny that he needed a degree to figure that out. So, in the latest issue of Playboy, one douchebag disses another as the doctor laid down some smack about Tom Cruise.

“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”

That’s interesting, and probably true, but my own psycological evaluation of Dr. Drew uncovered some disturbing things. He’s a bed-wetter, with mother issues, but not in the way you think. He likes his mother to wet the bed for him and he has an issue with it if he feels the bitch is holding out on him.

These psycologists are the lowest form of life, and they’re twice as bad when they’re on TV milking their made-up craft. Alot like Scientology actually.

So Tom and Kate moved into some new digs in Beverly Hills and threw a housewarming party. I’m guessing it involved rituals to their UFO god, where one guest gets anally raped at a time until they have enough butt-fuel to escape Earth’s velocity and get back to wherever the fuck they’re from. Oprah was there too. You’ll get a ton of methane ass fuel from that one.

It goes without saying, but I’m gonna say it anyway. The party had an ulterior Scientology motive:

One attendee said, “Everyone he’s been having issues with was invited: Sumner Redstone, Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, you name it. Then there were all the gays, which was hilarious because Scientology ‘cures’ gays . . . There’s a tenet in Scientology that basically says, ‘After you cut people off, you have to invite them back in

Scientology “cures” gays? I guess Tom is the exception to the rule.

[Page Six]

Recent pictures of 2-year-old Suri Cruise, spawn of Tom and Kate, still using a bottle made some question Tom and Katie’s parenting skills. But maybe it’s Scientology’s fault.

According to Defamer, L. Ron Hubbard ordered Scientologist moms to feed their children a mixture of barley water, homogenized milk, and lots of honey, which is a recipe he obtained during time travel to ancient Rome. Some say the cocktail can be toxic.

I say get all babies away from Scientologists as quick as humanly possible. But as far as their formula being toxic, I think it might surprise many people to know just how toxic most mainstream baby formula is as well. And I’m not just saying that so I can see moms breastfeeding. Okay, I am. I walk around the mall to get my fix of milfs handing out liquid lunch. So what?

[Defamer]

Tom Cruise is trying to resell himself as the mega movie star of yesteryear, who is clearly not gay. Today, he launched his new website Tom Cruise.com. Surprisingly, it’s not powered by geocities, although I had heard that he was hoping for that. If you click around, you’ll find a lot of meaningless and shameless self promotion. It’s all very suspicious as there’s no mention of Scientology or Katie.

It’s all clearly not gay, the cheesy poses, the music, the message from Tom. Yep, it’s all very straight and boring. But it still doesn’t convince me somehow…That he’s not gay.

[Tomcruise.com]

Star Magazine is reporting that Katie Holmes has been a bad girl. She spent 3 days at Gold Base, the Scientology compound in Hemet, CA. According to an inside source, she went through some serious tests and purification sessions at Tom Cruise’s insistence.

The source said that the boot camp includes, “various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes. Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.” Apparently, one of the auditing sessions reportedly lasts 36 hours with little sleep and food.

Seems that things haven’t changed all that much since L. Ron Hubbard decided to create himself a fake religion all those years ago. I’ll never understand why so many people have fallen for it, but the old jackass was right. There’s a ton of money to be made having your own religion. One can only hope that the more brutal aspects that we’ve heard about are no longer in practice, but somehow I think they are alive and well.

[Damnimcute]

In an interview with Oprah, Cher revealed her relationship with Tom Cruise.

Jesus, thinking about these two humping is like walking in on two retards fucking. You’re not sure who you feel more sorry for, but it’s sloppy and wrong and your lunch is on the floor.

“He was a shy boy. He didn’t have any money. One night we walked into this restaurant in New York and this girl came up, this waitress came up and she took our order and stuff like that and he said, ‘I knew that girl in school and she wouldn’t give me the time of day.’ “

Cher also said, ”I lived in his apartment.” Tom Cruise was 23 at the time; Cher was 39.

So, she likes gay men. What’s the problem?

In the pic he’s all like, “OMG, it was weird with a vagina.” And she’s all like, “OMG, I know. But you still did good.”

[Damnimcute]

Nicole Kidman has had enough of the church of nutjobs.

At the New York premiere of Ian Halperin’s film, “His Highness Hollywood,” a Scientology insider told Halperin that Kidman “wants her kids out of the church.” Halperin beat up on the faith in his book, “Hollywood Undercover,” and said he wasn’t surprised when, during the premiere, “the projector had been sabotaged.”

We at PopTherapy are glad to hear that she is putting her foot down on that little Tom Cruise insect. Here’s hoping that his guts make a nice squishy sound.

[Celebrityrumors]

Tom Cruise thinks Victoria Beckham may have too much influence on his zombie wife, Katie Holmes. And yes that pic IS in fact Katie Holmes and IS NOT an old friend of your mother’s from the retirement home.

According to a source:

“Katie sees Victoria as a role model.”

“She copies Victoria’s look and even cut her hair the same way. She is very thin largely because she is following Victoria’s strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria’s fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny.”

First off, who the hell would use that reject for a role model? Secondly, seaweed shakes are for mermaids. This girl needs serious kelp.(get it? Kelp…)

At a recent lunch at L.A.’s Osteria Mozza, Holmes ate “only steamed asparagus as an appetizer, then a tiny plate of chilled beets for her entrée,” a diner told Life and Style magazine.

Then there was another encounter, where Katie and Posh shared a green salad without dressing, one piece of fish and one side of steamed spinach. They also ordered one regular Coke and two glasses of ice.

These two dingbats can at least help keep each other tethered to the planet, while the air in their heads builds up like helium.

[Damnimcute]