Why does my daughter not loan me some money! Punch! Take that silly ribbon off! Punch! Is it wrong to think my daughter is hot and go into her panty drawer? Punch!

And for the love of god, why do I look like The Greatest American Hero guy? Punch!

Shizzle my nizzle, gonna tell ya bout a little frizzle involvin a dog and his bitchizzle.

She was doin some dizrinking and dizriving. The catch and release program, you dig?

Dog spoke up for his biznitch and was all like damn, I gots the money to bail you tail out the pokey, but drinking and driving aint no damn jokey.

I gots a reputation and da dog’s bitch got to be okie dokie.

Ex-Scientologist Marc Headley reveals some interesting tidbits about our favorite Scientologist Jackass Tom Cruise. Apparently he had a casting call where he was auditioning for his new wife.

“They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order. Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape.”

Katie was their fourth choice. She agreed to show up to the Scientology center for an audition. The rest is history and she has been programmed easier then a low-tech 80’s Commodore 64 computer.

[DamnImCute]